Not Waving, But Drowing*

     *Thank you, Sylvia Plath!

     Living life as the unpaid family caregiver of two ailing parents is like having my head held under water. When those very rare releases of pressure come along, my head bobs to the surface for that gasping gulp of air that is not enough, never enough oxygen, but just enough to survive a little longer when, all too soon, my head is shoved under again.

     One night to catch up on sleep after weeks of sleep-deprivation. One day to catch up with my own life after weeks of self-neglect. Trying to earn a living in between. It is never enough. None of it is ever enough.

     Chest pain, heart arrhythmia, blinding headaches, blurred vision, brain fog.

     And then rescue, relief. For an evening, a morning, a day.

     And back to the trenches.

     Don’t get me wrong: it’s not all irksome. These are my parents, after all, and I love them. There are tender moments, humorous moments, healing moments, sharing of precious memories. Were this not so, the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual expenditure would leave me bankrupt.

     I’ve decided to blog it all: the exhaustion, the frustration, the humor, the tenderness. My creative writing blog has moved to another location, at https://www.avrilvandermerwe-create.com/create-blog. But this spot is now reserved for writing about family caregiving. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, it might help someone else out there.

     Oh indeed, there are online caregiving communities, and local support groups for caregivers. But so far, I haven’t had time to access any of these. Perhaps there are others like me who experience the same challenge.

     A blog, on the other hand, can be written (and read) sitting in a doctor’s waiting room with a loved one, or during the sleepless minutes after a 2 a.m. call for help, or while keeping vigil at a bedside.

     Perhaps in this way you and I may find that we are not drowning but waving after all. Waving at one another to say, “I’m under water too. But we’re not drowning, you and I. We’re developing the lung capacity to dive into deeper waters than many will ever know.”

The Power of Daydreaming

     I daydream my stories. While driving down the freeway, while walking the dog, while washing dishes, in the moments before sleep claims me, and the moments when whatever outwardly occupies me is not stimulating enough to engage me. At all of these times and many others, my inner landscape is populated with characters and imaginary storyboards and plot line crises and “what if” questions.

     It was the most common complaint of teachers to my parents at parent-teacher meetings: “She daydreams”. My parents would dutifully report this to me without censure. If anything, they seemed mildly amused. And so I continued daydreaming. Many years later I found out that the same teacher complaint had been made of my Dad, a generation before me. Daydreaming, it seems, runs in the family, and for this I am grateful.

     Sometimes the daydream begins with a key phrase or title line: “How the Cheetah Got His Tears”. How did the cheetah get his tears? I had no idea, but the line would not let go of me. Then one day, caught up in the inner moving pictures of my own daydreams, the stage set filled with the stately cheetah accompanied by other wildlife. As the characters came to life in my imagination, the problem between them – and its resolution – gradually unfolded.

     When I sat down to record what had already played out in my daydreaming, the story wrote itself.

     Vision, innovation, invention, and strategy are birthed from daydreaming. And ah yes, so also are stories and art and music.

     But daydreaming is not self-limiting. Creative teaching and creative learning too, are its fruit. Education systems have largely made the mistake of regarding daydreaming as the opposite of concentration, not realizing that on the contrary, daydreaming is a highly focused form of concentration. Perhaps we should be encouraging it, rather than trying to “correct” it; harnessing it, instead of trying to shut it down. Perhaps we should facilitate our family members and friends and coworkers and students and employees in their daydreaming, and help them find outlets and avenues to give those daydreams expression.

     Find out what stimulates your own daydreaming. For me it can be a number of things: listening to Mozart, walking on the beach, watching the dawn, working in the garden… I also know what shuts down my daydreaming: Not only the censure (or fear of it) of other people, but also watching too much television or spending too much time on the internet and social media – passive “activities” where “daydreams” are provided already packaged through an LED screen.

     Once you have found your way back to daydreaming again, help someone else do the same. Let’s help to open up safe and unrestricted space for the dreamers and their daydreams in our homes, churches, schools,and workplaces. That’s my daydream!

New Book

My new book, "From Trash to Treasure: God's Redemptive Power for Restoration and Transformation", is now available on Amazon Kindle at the following link:

http://www.amazon.com/Trash-Treasure-Redemptive-Restoration-Transformation-ebook/dp/B016X8B10U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445469243&sr=8-1&keywords=Avril+VanderMerwe

Upon My Word: Publications and Awards

Upon My Word: Publications and Awards: The following is a list of my fiction, non-fiction, poetry, children's fiction, and inspirational writing that has been published and pr...

Flowers Are Red, Young Man!

Do we facilitate or squelch creativity and creative expression in ourselves or others? How many have been discouraged by messages that our creativity is frowned upon because it does not fit a given mold? The following is taken from a song by Harry Chapin. The words speak for themselves:

The little boy went first day of school
He got some crayons and he started to draw
He put colors all over the paper
For colors was what he saw

And the teacher said, "What you doin' young man?"
"I'm paintin' flowers" he said
She said, "It's not the time for art young man
And anyway flowers are green and red"

"There's a time for everything young man
And a way it should be done
You've got to show concern for everyone else
For you're not the only one"

And she said, "Flowers are red young man
And green leaves are green
There's no need to see flowers any other way
Than they way they always have been seen"

But the little boy said
"There are so many colors in the rainbow
So many colors in the morning sun
So many colors in the flower and I see every one"

Well the teacher said, "You're sassy
There's ways that things should be
And you'll paint flowers the way they are
So repeat after me"

And she said, "Flowers are red, young man
And green leaves are green
There's no need to see flowers any other way
Than they way they always have been seen"

But the little boy said
"There are so many colors in the rainbow
So many colors in the morning sun
So many colors in the flower and I see every one"

The teacher put him in a corner
She said, "It's for your own good
And you won't come out 'til you get it right
And are responding like you should"

Well finally he got lonely
Frightened thoughts filled his head
And he went up to the teacher
And this is what he said

And he said
"Flowers are red, and green leaves are green
There's no need to see flowers any other way
Than the way they always have been seen"

Time went by like it always does
And they moved to another town
And the little boy went to another school
And this is what he found

The teacher there was smilin'
She said, "Painting should be fun
And there are so many colors in a flower
So let's use every one"

But that little boy painted flowers
In neat rows of green and red
And when the teacher asked him why
This is what he said

And he said
"Flowers are red, and green leaves are green
There's no need to see flowers any other way
Than the way they always have been seen"

What's Not To Like?

     

Do you like the way the word “like” has become like an essential component of every conversation? Like do you like, like like? Or does like, like irritate you sometimes, like a little brother like constantly pestering you?

     I propose that we, like, eliminate like a whole bunch of words from the dictionary, and replace them with this ubiquitous (which is like an example of one of the words we could eliminate) word that has like proved itself so useful. You know?

     If you like this idea, then I would like it if you would like, like this post, because the more likes it gets, the more we could like, spread this idea around. That would be like, totally awesome!

     Or perhaps you are of the opinion that “like” has become a form of conversational stuttering, disrupting the flow of thought and impoverishing vocabulary in the general population. In that case, I would propose that we eliminate this ubiquitous word from the English dictionary, and ban its use in all public forums.

     To fill the vacuum such a drastic action would leave, we could implement public vocabulary enrichment programs. I would be the first to jump on board such a movement. The reason? Because I find this idea agreeable, congenial and appealing, and would subscribe to it with delight, since I am partial to its potentially enhancing effects on human discourse.

     And there’s no “button” for that!

What Energizes Your Creative Thinking?

     For me it’s water: A cascading waterfall; the ceaseless susurration of the waves of the sea; wind-whipped whitecaps; a burbling stream; ripple of sunlight reflecting off a lake, a pond, a pool…

     Being around water not only soothes and relaxes me, but also sets my imagination free to float and flow, as if buoyed by an ever-strengthening current and carried on an in-coming tide.

     While I love to get near water as often as possible, and also delight in swimming in it if it is warm enough, I experience the same unleashing of creativity by simply standing in the shower! I wish someone would invent some kind of white-board for the shower with a pen that is both waterproof and washable! I often linger in the shower, relishing the confluence of relaxation and released imagination. The only problem is, by the time I get out and towel off, I can’t write all the resulting ideas down fast enough, before at least one or two have flapped their wings and taken flight through the nearest hole in my brain!

     However, it does help to know this about myself – that being around water stimulates my creative thinking. Whenever I feel stale or stagnant, I know it is time to escape to the most accessible body of water and allow myself to just “be”.

     All of which bring me to the question I began with: What stimulates your creative thinking? Identifying this may be one of several steps towards getting “unstuck” in your own writing. If you don’t yet know the answer to this question, it may take some self-observation and self-awareness, along with asking those nearest and dearest to you whether they have noticed the specific circumstances that seem to trigger your most creative ideas.

     Learning to maximize the kind of environment, activity, or circumstances that energize your own creative thinking, and to capture and harness the resultant thoughts and ideas, may help you on the way to breakthrough in your writing.